Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
