her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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