i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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