this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
