btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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