Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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