you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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