I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
