My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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