I'm really into asian looking animals
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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