A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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