dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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