I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
