True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
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