i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
