at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I cockslap morals
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
3pm strippers are depressing
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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