I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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