I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
