Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
