toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
