I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
