I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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