How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
