Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
