There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i already hear my dad disowning me
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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