i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Randomize
