I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
