You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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