Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
