Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
