cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
this hospital has no fireball
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
