alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
