He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
