we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
