hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love you. Go after that dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
