you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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