I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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