You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
