she was so not down for the gang bang
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
