Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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