FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
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