Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
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