you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
