If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
She even gives head with a lisp.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Randomize
