i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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