wanna go halves on a baby?
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
