He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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