Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
