3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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