you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
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