Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Randomize
