You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
