I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
