Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
