What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Randomize
