i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
