I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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