Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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