Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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