I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
