you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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